I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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