there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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