i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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