I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
