please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's blow job season.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
