i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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