Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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