wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
