so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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