life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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