So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
