"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
