Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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