Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize