We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
