so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
