Jerry, you need to find god
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
