every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
