she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
