I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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