It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
