Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
