it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
