She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
