The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
