Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm so fucking centered right now
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
