I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
