Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize