Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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