i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
