how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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