I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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