what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
