Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
