I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
