I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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