You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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