did you get engaged???
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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