If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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