I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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