I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize