So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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