Having a random hookup so left but love u
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
