How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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