Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
