You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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