I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I've blown a few things in my day
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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