Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
