Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
