tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
