im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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