I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
