i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
