I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
