i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
