How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
