Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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