it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
