She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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