his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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