it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
