Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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