Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
