Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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