Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think my vagina is haunted
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
