He asked to "fluff my boner.."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize