I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
