I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
