i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
