i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i was born a porn star she said
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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